funny is what I like
what you do. Do you want to hear funny that I serve this. please read. Of course, you are treated. let us share the funny and read it with pleasure. you down and do not forget to tell your friends.
story 1.
what you do. Do you want to hear funny that I serve this. please read. Of course, you are treated. let us share the funny and read it with pleasure. you down and do not forget to tell your friends.
story 1.
Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
story 2.
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'
story 3.
The ultimate rejection letter
Herbert MillingtonChair - Search Committee, Whitson University, College Hill, MA
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen
Herbert MillingtonChair - Search Committee, Whitson University, College Hill, MA
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen
story 4.
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue".
The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion."
So the student replies, "Then I definitely sh*t my pants."
The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue".
The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion."
So the student replies, "Then I definitely sh*t my pants."
story 5.
The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy. You go first."
Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."
The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."
Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n..."
The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."
Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."
Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."
The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."
Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n..."
The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."
Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."
story 6.
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
story 7.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
story 8.
TEACHER: "Tell me, Johnny, which is the best time to pick pears? Spring, summer, autumn or winter?"
JOHNNY: "The best time to pick pears is when the farmer is not at home and there's no dog on the farm."
JOHNNY: "The best time to pick pears is when the farmer is not at home and there's no dog on the farm."
story 9.
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class, and she discovered little Jimmy with a cat up his jumper.
She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Jimmy started crying. "I woke up this morning to hear the postman tell Mummy 'I'm gonna eat your p*ssy today!"
She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Jimmy started crying. "I woke up this morning to hear the postman tell Mummy 'I'm gonna eat your p*ssy today!"
story 10.
Norman was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.
Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be quick.
Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Eddie "Well, did you find it ?"
Eddie is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.
Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be quick.
Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Eddie "Well, did you find it ?"
Eddie is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
story 11.
At school little Johnny learns about medicines.
The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: Tylenol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.
The second pupil said: Nytol
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said:Viagra
Johnny. What is it used for?
I think it can be used for diarrhea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, maybe that little sh*t will get harder'.
The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: Tylenol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.
The second pupil said: Nytol
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said:Viagra
Johnny. What is it used for?
I think it can be used for diarrhea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, maybe that little sh*t will get harder'.
story 12.
You're A Teacher If...
You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people's stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know to correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial Prozac spraying.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says: "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
You want to choke a person when they say "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people's stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know to correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial Prozac spraying.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says: "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
You want to choke a person when they say "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
story 13.
The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"
"Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"
"Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
story 14.
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
story 15.
A fifth grade teacher was questioning her students use of the word "like." She explained that, contrary to their common use of it, "like" was not an adjective but a comparison word. She then challenged them to think up some similes to exemplify the lesson. This done, she moved on to ask about other figures of speech.
"Class, what others can you think of?"
No one in the class could come up with anything, so she prompted them with a couple of her own.
"How about metaphors and personification?" she asked. "Aren't they examples?"
Little Johnny raised his hand, and when called upon said, "I know what a metaphor is, but not personification."
The teacher replied, "What's the word to describe what I'm saying when I point to that old willow tree and say 'He's saluting us with his branches.' Or what if I asked the sun to send us some sunshine? Or if I said 'That field of tall grass is waving at us?' What word best describes what I'm doing when I speak like that?"
Little Johnny thought a moment, then said, "Hallucinating?"
story 16.
"Class, what others can you think of?"
No one in the class could come up with anything, so she prompted them with a couple of her own.
"How about metaphors and personification?" she asked. "Aren't they examples?"
Little Johnny raised his hand, and when called upon said, "I know what a metaphor is, but not personification."
The teacher replied, "What's the word to describe what I'm saying when I point to that old willow tree and say 'He's saluting us with his branches.' Or what if I asked the sun to send us some sunshine? Or if I said 'That field of tall grass is waving at us?' What word best describes what I'm doing when I speak like that?"
Little Johnny thought a moment, then said, "Hallucinating?"
story 16.
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
story 17.
A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope.
But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.
"Those are sperm cells", replied the Professor.
But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.
"Those are sperm cells", replied the Professor.
story 18.
An English public school was forced to raise its fees. The headmaster, Mr Jackson decided that the best way to raise the extra money was to institute an across the board 6% increase per annum. Unfortunately, when his secretary typed the letter, she missed out a crucial 'n' in the last word, consequently, the letter read thus:
Dear Mr Elsworth
Due to increased costs, I have decided reluctantly to raise the school fees by 7% per anum.
Yours sincerely,
J.B. Jackson (Headmaster)
The following month, one concerned parent replied by saying:
Dear Headmaster
I regret your increase in fees, but I would like to continue paying through the nose as before.
Yours sincerely
W.K Elsworth
Dear Mr Elsworth
Due to increased costs, I have decided reluctantly to raise the school fees by 7% per anum.
Yours sincerely,
J.B. Jackson (Headmaster)
The following month, one concerned parent replied by saying:
Dear Headmaster
I regret your increase in fees, but I would like to continue paying through the nose as before.
Yours sincerely
W.K Elsworth
story 19.
"So he asked me what I wanted, and I told him, 'A long, strong, stiff one.'"
"Oh, my!" "Yeah, but you should have seen his face when I said, 'I meant a drink!'"
"Oh, my!" "Yeah, but you should have seen his face when I said, 'I meant a drink!'"
story 20.
Q: Under Obama's health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions?
A: Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment!
A: Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment!
story 21.
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
story 22.
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
story 23.
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
story 24.
The English teacher in a school in Spanish Harlem decided it was time for the weekly vocabulary lesson.
"What's the difference between select and choose... Ramone?" she asked.
"Select is when you pick something," he answered, "and choose are what Puerto Ricans wear on their feet."
"What's the difference between select and choose... Ramone?" she asked.
"Select is when you pick something," he answered, "and choose are what Puerto Ricans wear on their feet."
story 25.
A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enrol their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern of behaviour continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.
Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern of behaviour continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.
Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
story 26.
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
story 27.
Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:
"One and one, the son-of-a-bi*ch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bi*ch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
"One and one, the son-of-a-bi*ch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bi*ch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
story 28.
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."
The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."
About half the class rose and came forward.
"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."
"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."
The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."
About half the class rose and came forward.
"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."
story 29.
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
Really means: He was caught cheating on a test.
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and vitability.
Really means: The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes.
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
Really means: He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met.
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't
intimidate her.
Really means: The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term.
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
Really means: The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
Really means: Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
Really means: Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she
creates a class argument.
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
Really means: He's a bully.
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
Really means: Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
Really means: She's so immature that we've run out of diapers.
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
Really means: He must have written the Whiner's Guide.
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a
year's repetition of her learning environment.
Really means: Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat
the 8th grade.
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome.
Really means: A mouth that never stops yacking.
Really means: He was caught cheating on a test.
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and vitability.
Really means: The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes.
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
Really means: He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met.
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't
intimidate her.
Really means: The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term.
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
Really means: The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
Really means: Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
Really means: Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she
creates a class argument.
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
Really means: He's a bully.
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
Really means: Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
Really means: She's so immature that we've run out of diapers.
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
Really means: He must have written the Whiner's Guide.
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a
year's repetition of her learning environment.
Really means: Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat
the 8th grade.
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome.
Really means: A mouth that never stops yacking.
story 30.
One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted, demanding, "Why do we have to learn all this stuff?"
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly, and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So, how exactly does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly, and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So, how exactly does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.
story 31.
A school teacher asks her class 'What vegetable makes your eyes water?'
Little Johnny replies ' a turnip miss'.
'No Johnny' says the teacher, 'I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?'
'No miss' Says Johnny, 'Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?'
Little Johnny replies ' a turnip miss'.
'No Johnny' says the teacher, 'I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?'
'No miss' Says Johnny, 'Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?'
story 32.
The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy. You go first."
Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."
The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."
Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m ... f-a-r-n ... f-n..."
The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."
Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."
Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."
The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."
Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m ... f-a-r-n ... f-n..."
The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."
Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."
story 33.
A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,
"Can people predict the future with cards?"
His response was, "My mother can."
The teacher replied, "Really?"
The young boy was quick to explain,
"Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
"Can people predict the future with cards?"
His response was, "My mother can."
The teacher replied, "Really?"
The young boy was quick to explain,
"Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
story 34.
An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and bounce it off the sleeper's skull. Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him.
"That, "said the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."
"That, "said the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."
story 35.
Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road.
Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
story 36.
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Boy: Brotherly love.
Boy: Brotherly love.
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